Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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