I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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