Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
