Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
