VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
