She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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