he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
