I hate your face
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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