I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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