Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
