i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
