Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
