Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
