his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
