Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
