fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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