first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i will never coherently bang her
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
