You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
