i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
