I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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