just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
soo... how was my night?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
