After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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