I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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