Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
