It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
3pm strippers are depressing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
