Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
