omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
