New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
