hotel room ftw
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
