I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
