Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
