I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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