I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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