Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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