i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
