White coat. Heels.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
