just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
