I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
