I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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