YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
