Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
