I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
