I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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