Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
