Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
zippers are such a cool invention
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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