you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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