My sheets look like a crime scene.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
