oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
