I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
