Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
