if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so let's talk penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
