After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
